Well, I have made it through week one without my Sammy. It was pretty much the longest week of my life! I have tried to keep busy but that is hard. It is so hot that I don't want to do anything except go swimming. I have had Gracie (Sam's sister) over to swim and gone to Riverside to hang out with his family. However, when the sun goes down it is always the same, panic sets in.
My thoughts go wild! "What if some robbers know that my husband is gone?" That thought makes me run around turning on all the lights. "What if it looks obvious that I'm alone because I've turned on all the lights?" That thought makes me run around and turn off the bathroom lights. "What would I do if someone broke in?"After that thought I imagine jumping out the bedroom window. "If I scream, will anyone hear me?" Of course, I have a big mouth! "Should I put something in front of the door?" Now that is just ridiculous Jean. If I call 911 will it be the police here or in NC? (I still have my NC number) In the middle of this insane conversation I have with myself our dog Flojo usually barks. "WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!" At this point I usually complain to myself about how my dad should never have let me watch Rescue 911, Unsolved Mysteries, and America's Most Wanted as a kid. This is why I am so paranoid! Well, that and all the bad movies I've seen. So every night when the sun goes down I turn on all the lights and unlock and re lock every door. Sam is at an emergency clinic so he gets off at midnight. When he calls I run all over the house and turn off all the lights after unlocking and re locking every door again. Then I run upstairs with Flojo, lock the bedroom door, and jump under the covers! Sam and I read our scriptures, pray, and then sleep on the phone. We did this every night after we got serious. Now as I am trying to fall asleep I imagine how I will be able to yell out to Sam that I love him as I am being strangled by the robber. I toss and turn all night, waking up at every noise, and try to spot a robber with the glow of my cell phone light. This lasts until the sun comes up when I am able to sleep. I guess I should admit that I live in a gated community and that there are houses on all sides of me. I should feel safe but I don't. And I won't feel safe until I am snuggled up beside my strong, weight lifting, Tae Kwon Do knowing, Mexican (so he's scarier than a white guy) husband!
