Time & All Eternity

Over the Thanksgiving holiday Gracie and Aurelio were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on Erica's birthday. :) Sam and I escorted them as they took out their endowments in the LA Temple two weeks earlier. We were there when Aurelio recieved the Melchizedek priesthood on Sam's birthday. We were also there when Gracie miscarried. Needless to say this has been an emotional couple of months for them.

I have never been to a sealing of someone who is actually my family. I have been to several sealings of my adoptive family like Meghan, Lacey, Lyndsay and some friends from my mission. I have also never been to the sealing of a family. It was one of the best days of my life.

Since I was the only one with her during her endowment I took one for the team and held baby Gracie in the nursery as Gracie and Aurelio were sealed. I heard that what I missed was amazing but what I witnessed was incredible. There was a presence in the room that I can't quite describe. The spirit was so strong and I could feel my heart pounding. I was trying to keep it to just letting tears stream down my face instead of the loud sobbing I was holding in. :) To see my father in law place little Gracie's hand on the alter over her parent's hands, what can I say, I will never forget how I felt.

I feel so extremely blessed to be a member of the Lord's church. What would life be like without the promise of an eternal family? I can't even imagine a Heaven where I am not still married to my sweetheart Sam. I cannot comprehend a till death do us part. I am grateful for my Savior for His Atonement that can heal every pain we could ever feel. I am grateful to the Prophet Joseph Smith who brought forth the restoration. I love knowing that so many of my dearest friends enjoy the blessings of the temple. I look forward to the day when other members of my family and friends can experience this great joy.

My cup runneth over!

One year ago

Engraved in my wedding band is 11/17/07. It was the day Sam and I finally met face to face after about two months of talking on the phone. It was day of our first kiss. And even though he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend until January it was the day he completely lost interest in the other girls he was dating, or so he says. :) This was the first picture we took together. This was just an hour or two after I picked him up at the SLC airport. On the ride there I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke! He tried his best to help me relax but when our hands barely touched I almost floated off the ground!

We went to Chilli's for our first date and afterwards we watched Elf and snuggled up on the couch. That's when I started to calm down. I didn't want the night to end. When I dropped him off he gave me an awkward hug because we were in the car and got out. I then got out of the car because I wanted a real hug but Sam thought I wanted a kiss. We hugged, there were stars and a super bright moon. Then he looked at me and said, "Come here." He pulled me close for the bestest, softest, sweetest, most amazing and romantic kiss I ever had!

Happy one year Kiss-a-versary babe! Te amo con todo mi corazon!

Evil, thy name is Bowflex!

This piece of machinery is my nemesis, the Bowflex Tread Climber! When Sam works out he walks on this and then also uses a weight lifting Bowflex. In recent years I have lost some weight but I am not done by any means. I just got a little distracted by falling in love, getting married, and moving to Cali.

Anyway, my dear sweet husband loves to squish and squeeze my fat and make fat squeezing noises. I'll say it's more of a musical hug on my "loveable" areas. He loves it for some strange reason. To be honest, I have put on a few pounds since getting married, not as many as my fat squishing husband, but a few. So I decided it is time to get back to work.

With my mind made up I put on shorts and sneakers and headed downstairs. The Tread Climber is in the living room. I thought to myself that I would walk while we were watching the Lakers game. Sam walks on it for 20 minutes, no sweat. How is only twenty minutes going to help me lose weight? I'll start at 30 minutes.

Sam shows me how to work it and I begin.

Time 0:05 Got water, got a towel, ready to go!

Time 0:12 Man, this is hard. I say to Sam, "Babe, why do I have to push?"

Time 0:27 Sam says to me, "How's it goin, baby?" I respond, "This is not as easy as it looks."

Time 1:45 Breathing gets harder, in through my nose out through my mouth.

Time 3:37 I say to Sam, "Babe, I am not going to be able to do this for 30 minutes." He says, "No baby, only 20 minutes."

Time 5:06 I cannot focus on the game only the pain in my legs. Breathing getting harder, chest starting to burn.

Time 6:58 Sam says, "How's it goin, baby?" Lungs on fire!! I'll stop at 10 minutes, I can make it to 10 minutes. What's the score? Can't tell vision is also blurred.

Time 8:12 I'm not gonna make it, my lung is going to pop out of my chest! Is this timer slower than normal? My legs feel like jello. Check and make sure the safety key is in so if I fall this devil contraption can't eat me.

Time 9:42 Sam says, "How's it goin, baby?" This is what death must feel like. Lungs burning, legs numb, double vision, inability to hear anything but the screaming inside my head.

I made it to 10 minutes but it took me a good half hour to recover. Then Sam showed me how to set it to just be a Treadmill. I went through 10 minutes of Hell when I could have had a nice 30 minute walk?!?! I did another ten minutes, this time on a setting for a normal person!

I hate exercising, maybe I'll just stay fat!

Prop 8-Are you a wheat?

I hate to admit this but I have not done anything to help the cause of protecting marriage in California other than put a sign in my yard. Now, I am angry and disappointed in myself. I have always tried to stay out of politics because I get so angry that I almost always lose my temper. I thought that since we all have different talents that politics was going to be the fight for others that have the patience to handle it. Like my friend Trev. :) I also didn't think that the world was that far gone yet. This issue and this election has made me realize that I was very wrong. I always thought I would be ready when the Lord needed me to fight but I have clearly missed the call.

This weekend our sign was stolen and it really bothered me like way down deep. Not that it motivated me to get involved, because it didn't. Then at work a friend of mine told me he wasn't 100% sure which way he was voting. It devastated me! This was the first time I had heard anyone I know say they weren't sure. I didn't know enough to even discuss it because once again talking politics puts me in a murderous rage! LOL I made up my mind as soon as I heard about it without any research. I thought about it and had an instant strong confirmation in my heart and mind of which way I should vote. Once I have made my mind up about something it is darn near impossible to convince me otherwise. Some people have called me closed minded but I actually believe I am extremely opened minded. I say that because I am prideful and really like to be right, who doesn't? :) So I always want to know that the side I am on is the right one. After I have decided which side is right I am done listening to the other side. When the Church released it's statements it only confirmed that the decision I had made was right.

On the way home I saw teenagers at four corners of an intersection holding up Yes on Prop 8 signs. It made me so mad at myself and I know that I seriously need to repent. Those kids probably do not have the testimony that I have and yet there they were. This blog is the start of my repentance, I guess. To openly admit that I have done absolutely nothing but to say to my friends and family reading that I tonight I will pray for the strength to never have to admit something like this again. I heard the letters from the First Presidency urging us to get involved and I ignored them. I am ashamed of myself. The vote is next week and I hope there is still something going on that I can help with. I felt very strongly today that I will be held accountable for what I did not do concerning this cause.

My initial reactions are that I cannot separate my emotions or take the religion factor out and the fact that people are doing just that is what is wrong with our country today. It scares me and angers me. This is so ridiculous that there are people even debating this. That internal feeling of right and wrong comes from our creator. Those "rights" that they claim to be entitled to come from God Himself. He created marriage and the rules don't change because a few people decide they aren't fair anymore. The time has come when you must choose between what is right and what is popular.

Another friend of mine and I were talking and she was down because we were discussing these things. She said she feels like she is fighting a battle that we are losing. From the deepest part of my heart I want her to know that we will win! I used to think that the final battle between good and evil would happen long after I left the earth but I know that it has already begun.

Taken from Trev's email sending me all his info on Prop 8, "I hope this helps. There are many who are choosing to go against the First Presidency on this, and it is sad. The philosophies of men, and views of the world are more acceptable to many than the word of the Lord. This is a wheat and tares issue. I'm glad your wheat."

Well, I wasn't but I am now. My days of sitting on the sidelines are over. I hope I am not too late to join the fight!

Sweetheart Tag, SillySuperSam

WHAT IS YOUR HUSBANDS NAME? Samuel

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? 5 months and 1 day

HOW LONG DID YOU DATE? 6 months, 3 of those we were engaged.

HOW OLD IS YOUR HUSBAND? Turning 28 on Nov 9th

WHO IS TALLER? Sam

WHO SINGS BETTER? Um, I have to say me. Sam's accent always makes me laugh when he sings but it warms my heart!

WHO IS SMARTER? Sam for sure!

WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY? I do but he has a few times.

WHO PAYS THE BILLS? I do, those of you that know me might not think that is wise. :) I am learning though.

WHO SLEEPS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED? Sam does and I sleep in the middle.

WHO MOWS THE LAWN? Emanuel, our gardner.

WHO COOKS DINNER? I do usually but Sam has a couple of times

WHO IS THE FIRST TO ADMIT THEY ARE WRONG? Always me! I even say I'm wrong when I am not because I hate when we are in a fight. But trust me he's the only one I am like that with! Everyone else will go to they grave never hearing me say I am wrong! lol

WHO KISSED WHO FIRST? Sam kissed me. The first night I was dropping him off since he came to visit his brother. I got out of the car because I wanted a better hug but Sam thought I wanted a kiss. So after a hug he pulled me in to give me the best, most romantic, under the moonlight kiss ever!!

WHO WEARS THE PANTS? Sam does and that is one of the main reasons I married him. I had finally found a guy that was tough enough to tell me no. I needed someone who wouldn't put up with my crap!

"He's my hunny bun, sugar plum, pumby-umby-umpkin, he's my sweetie pie! He's my cuppycake, gum drop, snuckum-snuckums, he's the apple of my eye!"-Cuppycake Song

Mr Ern with no beard!?!?!

What is the world coming to?!?! My Dad has not shaved his beard in 21 years! That's right folks, that smooth as a baby's butt skin you are seeing for the first time hasn't seen the sun since 1987. He had to shave it for work to take an equipment test that involves a mask. Sigh, he looks like his Dad. HOWEVER, what he doesn't look like is MY DAD!! I refuse to accept this! Where's my Daddy, I WANT MY DADDY!!! Sorry, minor panic attack. People are telling him he looks younger. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! So I am taking a poll so I can tell him. I need feedback from Meghan G, the Newcomers including Lacey C, and the Draughons including Megan B. Tell me what you think and add in what you were doing in 1987 just for a stroll down memory lane.

Eight

I always enjoy the surveys, maybe that's a little girly. Anyway, this is one I got from Meg-a-licious!

8 things I am passionate about-

1. My family
2. Church
3. Being a good wife and mother, when I have kids.
4. Maintaining friendships with people I really care about.
5. People, which explains my bad gossip habit.
6. Scenery, I love beautiful trees and lakes. I love to see it and I love pictures of it.
7. Memories, I love taking pictures, scrap booking, and making albums.
8. Tarheel basketball. It's more than a game to me, that team represents NC to me and good times with Erica.

8 words or phrases I say often-

1. Ok, first of all
2. For the record
3. Your face!
4. Hey Girl! (Erica)
5. Wass goin on wid it? (Erica)
6. Ok I'm being dramatic
7. The truth is or this is fact (Before making my point)
8. Well, in the South...

8 things I want to do before I die-

1. Have children and see them grow up
2. See a Tarheel game in the Dean Dome
3. Move back to the South or wherever Erica is living
4. Learn Spanish
5. Learn Sign Language
6. Skydiving
7. Do temple work for my ancestors
8. Be involved in a great cause

8 things I have learned from the past-

1. Forgiveness is more for yourself than the person you are forgiving
2. Never say never
3. Life is supposed to be hard
4. Laughter is the best medicine
5. The more I learn the more I realize I don't know anything
6. Most people are doing the best they can
7. We are stronger than we think
8. The greatest happiness is to love someone more than you love yourself.

8 places I would love to go or see-

1. North Carolina, the whole state!
2. The James Dean museum with Erica. :)
3. The place in Mexico where Sam was born.
4. Louisiana
5. Ellis Island
6. France
7. Pearl Harbor
8. The spot of the World Trade Center

8 things I currently need or want-

1. To have a baby :)
2. Sam to come back from Portland
3. To see my sister!!!!
4. To learn Spanish (Rapido!)
5. To find a new house for us
6. An Ipod, one that will hold all of my music.
7. Cable, so I can watch the Tarheels
8. 1 billion dollars (For anything else)

Just a quick update...

Seminary lasted one week. I just didn't have time everyday to prepare a good lesson. It's probably a pride thing but I just didn't feel like my lessons were good enough to be my lessons...if you see what I mean. We hope to move within the next month and I am starting Spanish classes in January. It just was not going to work out. Add on top of that the fact that the kids were hellions! Sleeping I can handle, it's early, I get it. I cannot take talking over them for an hour. There was one I had to yell at at least five times a day. My last day I caught this spawn of Satan moving the clock forward. I asked, "Are you seriously doing that?" Loser! He moved it 50 minutes ahead. What a joke, I felt like a babysitter.

On the way home from the Temple last night Sam and I are going about 30mph in between having to completely stop on a freeway because of the traffic even thought it was after 9:00pm. I say to Sam, "Do you know how many hours you will spend in California traffic before you die?" He said nothing, ignoring my dramatic complaining. LOL That's okay I just kept on going, "This place literally sucks the life out of you!"

Sam Quote

"Babe, you're so dramatic. You should be an actress for TNT, we know drama!"

Me and my big mouth!

When I was on my mission we had a certification program. You had to read the complete New Testament, Book of Mormon, D & C, the Pearl of Great Price but only parts of the Old Testament. So I thought within myself that I wasn't going to bother with the rest of the Old Testament because it couldn't be that important if we weren't required to read it on the mission. My first calling after the mission was a Seminary teacher for (Surprize Surprize) the Old Testament. Relief Society was full of boring old ladies so I started ditching. To fix that the Lord in His wisdom gave me a second calling as a counselor in the Presidency. "Smite! Take that Jean!"

I thought I had learned my lesson.

My first speaking assignment in this ward was about scripture study and I gave one of my best talks I think. It was very personal and heart felt. I told the Old Testament story above and added that teaching Seminary had taught me a lot. I talked about how much the scriptures meant to me. I was excited! I love church assignments, they keep me out of trouble. :) So a few weekends ago I got a call from the High Counselor. They wanted to meet with me about a calling. Sam joked that it was teaching Seminary and I remembered the comments I had made in my talk. Stupid Jean!! Sam and I are looking for a new house so I thought it only fair to tell them. They told me that they were going to ask me to teach Seminary but if we were moving they would try to find someone else and cancelled our meeting. Whew!!!! I mean, I do want a calling but Seminary is rough!!

Last week I learned that two of my bosses were called to teach Seminary. I playfully said, "Oh they just asked me to do that but I told them we were moving. Oh yeah, I dodged that bullet!" I imagine the Lord looking down and thinking to Himself, "Oh really Jean." This morning the Stake President called and asked for Sam. He wanted to talk to us and brought Sam into his office first. I was thinking Sam would be called to assist in the Spanish Branch. Not so. When I walked in Sam was smiling really big and the Stake President said, "Sister Rivera, we know your moving but we'd like to call you as a Seminary teacher." He continued, "Bishop was very impressed with your testimony and the talk that you gave." Stupid Jean!

Of course I said yes and of course I am happy to serve but Seminary is rough! Last time I taught I did have that and another calling but no job. This time I have a job and a husband. I had just prayed this morning that we'd find a house so we could be settled and I could get a calling. Be careful what you wish for folks! Why couldn't I have talked about how much I loved working in the Library, Geez! Me and my big mouth!

Surveys are fun!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Last night but it was because I was laughing so hard.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, I do. :)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not yet

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Heck yes, I am pure comedy!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Not a lot, I think it is rude.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Sign me up!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?Peanut Butter Captain Crunch

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OF ? Nope

2. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I used to be but then I lost some weight and now even my little sister can push me around. Plus, whenever I laugh I lose what little strength I have.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Peanut Butter and Chocolate

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? I usually notice a vibe they give off before anything else.

15. RED OR PINK? Red

16. WHAT DO YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT YOURSELF? I'm stubborn, prideful, & rebellious. Sigh, I need to go repent!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My sister of course and for close second Meghan. Thank goodness for free long distance on cell phones!

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Sure, I love reading them.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Brown pants and shoes.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Half of a bagel

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The fans (Notice the plural!)

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Carolina Blue!!

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? I buy everything in Lavender but I also love the smell of sunscreen because Sam wears it everyday.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Erica

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, she is one of my very best friends!

26. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? College Basketball, Go Tarheels!

27. HAIR COLOUR? Brown with red highlights

28. EYE COLOR? Blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, unless I am at work

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Chicken

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings without a doubt!

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Rainmaker

33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Green

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? WINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Yes please! I love them both.

36. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Cheesecake

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Maybe Erica

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Tyson, cause I doubt he even reads this.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? What we wish we knew when we were Newlyweds. lol :)

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD? Don't have one.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Walsh/Treanor kick Brazil's who-has all over the place!

42. FAVORITE SOUND? I love the sound of the rain and the ocean!

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? BEATLES!!!-Word Meg!

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Here :(

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yes...I have Jedi mind powers. Some day I'll explain.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Sulphur, Louisiana

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK????? Erica

Working 9 to 5

I finally got a job!! On Wednesday I did my normal searching for jobs for a few hours. This time however I prayed before, after, and even a couple of times during. I applied to be an executive assistant for this Real Estate company even though I have no experience in that area. What did I have to lose? Anyway, he hired me! I am not his assistant, I don't have enough experience for that but I am basically an assistant for his office. It turns out he and the majority of his employees are LDS. It is a Real Estate/Loan Office/Financial Services all in one. This company is just barely getting started. I walked into an office will piles of paper everywhere. I was told basically that my job is to organize this and then to keep things organized. I am also going to make sure all the paperwork is in order for each client. The loud/funny guy who gives everyone nicknames is already calling me the office Mama. So right now I am going to be assisting eight guys. Eventually, they will all have their own assistants.
It is totally exciting and exactly the type of job I am going to love. I am hoping to learn a few things about all things Real Estate/Loan mumbo jumbo. Wish me luck!

Nights in Rodanthe Movie

Shake, Rattle, & Roll

There are few things I love more than sleeping beside my hubby. We seem to just fit perfectly for cuddling. Falling asleep holding each other is very sweet but waking up with an elbow in my face or me drooling all over one of his arms makes me laugh. Sam has a week off in between rotations so we have been being lazy for the past few days. Yesterday we were taking a nap when the earthquake happened. Flojo started barking fiercely and I sat straight up and heard what sounded like thunder. The walls looked like putty the way they were moving but I had no idea what was happening. Sam yelled, "Baby, it's an earthquake. We've gotta go!" I screamed and I didn't even mean to it just came out. I got half way to the door and turned back to get my glasses and grab my cell phone.

Now before the Jean/Cell Phone jokes start rolling in let me just say in my defense that I was worried that I would need to call for help. Even though this whole ordeal took less than a minute or two I had this vision of Sam and I being trapped in a pile of rubble with no way to call for help. Sam is probably never going to let me live that down but I maintain that I wasn't doing it out of my need for gossip.

So back to the story. I grab my glasses and cell phone and Sam pulls me into the door way. I was freaking out but I don't remember that. I remember that I couldn't move but Sam said I was shaking. He was highly upset that I had risked my safety to go back for my glasses and cell phone. He was telling me to snap out of it but all I could do was stand there. When it was over I let two anxiety tears run down my cheeks and hugged my hubby. That scared the crap out of me! I think what made it so bad was the sound of panic in his voice. Of course he was panicked because he was worried about me getting hurt. I survived my first earthquake folks. It was terrifying but Sam and I are already joking about it. Well, Sam is joking about me running back for my glasses and cell phone and I am defending myself. Me-I need my glasses to see! Sam-You know where the door is!

My final thought on this is that I miss the South where things make sense. Sure we have hurricanes but you get at least two or three days notice to stock up on supplies out get outta dodge. Ah, the memories of the storms. My dad coming home all mad because paranoid people had bought everything in Wal-mart. Hurricane Fran quote from Mr Ern, "Paranoid sons of *Bleeps*! Nobody buys milk unless there's a *Bleep Bleepin* storm coming. I'll bet there ain't a pack of batteries left in the whole *Bleepin* state! No *Bleep Bleepin* bread, all they had left were *Bleeping* bagels!" I'll let those of you that know him fill in the blanks and those that don't can use your imagination.

Are you going to have babies?

When I got married I became an aunt! I have three gorgeous nieces, Cassandra, Gracie, and Carolina. I have one handsome nephew, Felipe. The first time I met some of Sam's family they were sitting in the kitchen playing cards. Little Felipe was rolling around the couch and living room floor shouting "Girlfriend!" Since this was directed at me I turned about ten shades of red and Sam didn't do anything to rescue me. At least twice since the wedding Felipe has asked me if Sam and I were going to have babies. Sam and I both feel very strongly that we need to wait until he graduates so no babies any time soon. I get to see little Gracie on a regular basis and it is making me so baby hungry. Reading everyone else's blog doesn't help either. I knew like six people all pregnant at once. Also, my other nieces and nephew came for a visit and I got to spend more time with them. I even drove with them to Utah so I could help Erica move. I loved listening to them talk and sing to themselves and their toys. I even loved how they would yell, "Boo," whenever they noticed I had fallen asleep. Once when I fell asleep Felipe called out, "JEAN!" I turned and looked at him and he said, "I love you." I swear I wish I could hug all the cuteness off of them and keep it with me. I have even started thinking about baby names. Samuel with either Jay or James as a middle name for a boy. James is my Dad's middle name so I kind of want that as a first name but we'll see. Isabella Jayne for a girl in honor of Erica. Her favorite book character is Bella from Twilight and her middle name is Jayne. Sam and I wonder what our kids will look like. Will they have my curly hair? Will they have Sam's color or be pale like me? Will any of them come out with the blue eyes my Daddy gave me? I hope they are smart like Sam and I am betting at least one comes out with my rebellious attitude. Payback for what I put my parents through. Even though Sam knows I hope they all have his skin color, he insists I stop referring to our children as my little brown babies before they are born. LOL I guess for now I will just keep enjoying everyone's stories and wait for my little ones to join Sam and I.

Garden of the Gods

The three long weeks are over!! I am finally in Colorado Springs with Sam. Now upon arriving I was less than impressed. It's literally the middle of nowhere. Of course I was just thrilled to see Sam again. Today he took me to this amazing place called Garden of the Gods. This place was gorgeous! The quotes from America the Beautiful on some of the postcards had me fighting back tears. We didn't have much time so we just went through the visitors center and we are going to drive through tomorrow. It had tons of maps and cool exhibits. Even a guess who's poop this is. A display of droppings from different animals. Needless to say I giggled a little about that after letting out the typical girl, "Eww!" My favorite peak was called the kissing camels and I spotted it right when we walked out of the building. Looking at that reminded me how small we really are in this great big world. It was seriously one of the most beautiful places I've seen.

What was that???

Well, I have made it through week one without my Sammy. It was pretty much the longest week of my life! I have tried to keep busy but that is hard. It is so hot that I don't want to do anything except go swimming. I have had Gracie (Sam's sister) over to swim and gone to Riverside to hang out with his family. However, when the sun goes down it is always the same, panic sets in.

My thoughts go wild! "What if some robbers know that my husband is gone?" That thought makes me run around turning on all the lights. "What if it looks obvious that I'm alone because I've turned on all the lights?" That thought makes me run around and turn off the bathroom lights. "What would I do if someone broke in?"After that thought I imagine jumping out the bedroom window. "If I scream, will anyone hear me?" Of course, I have a big mouth! "Should I put something in front of the door?" Now that is just ridiculous Jean. If I call 911 will it be the police here or in NC? (I still have my NC number) In the middle of this insane conversation I have with myself our dog Flojo usually barks.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!"

At this point I usually complain to myself about how my dad should never have let me watch Rescue 911, Unsolved Mysteries, and America's Most Wanted as a kid. This is why I am so paranoid! Well, that and all the bad movies I've seen. So every night when the sun goes down I turn on all the lights and unlock and re lock every door. Sam is at an emergency clinic so he gets off at midnight. When he calls I run all over the house and turn off all the lights after unlocking and re locking every door again. Then I run upstairs with Flojo, lock the bedroom door, and jump under the covers! Sam and I read our scriptures, pray, and then sleep on the phone. We did this every night after we got serious. Now as I am trying to fall asleep I imagine how I will be able to yell out to Sam that I love him as I am being strangled by the robber.

I toss and turn all night, waking up at every noise, and try to spot a robber with the glow of my cell phone light. This lasts until the sun comes up when I am able to sleep. I guess I should admit that I live in a gated community and that there are houses on all sides of me. I should feel safe but I don't. And I won't feel safe until I am snuggled up beside my strong, weight lifting, Tae Kwon Do knowing, Mexican (so he's scarier than a white guy) husband!

Why Erica is my very best friend....

Erica sent me this card while I was on my mission. It is my absolute favorite card! It made me smile and then laugh because if you know her...I mean really know her, you can totally picture her doing this. She is that type of person to burst into song and not care what anyone thinks. She is by far the coolest chic I know. This card, even though it was packed away, has made us laugh every time we remember it. In a way, a totally cheesy way, it is symbolic of our friendship. A thought of her makes me want to burst into song. We are the absolute best of friends. I love her and she loves me! We have been close all of our lives. We have laughed, cried, played, fought, and been through everything together. We have screamed at each other and screamed beside each other at other people. Even though I am sure she is going to cry when she reads this just like I am crying right now I just wanna say (in our baby voice), "GIRL...I miss you all the day!!" I miss our discussions of life and watching tv with you and giving commentary on every single thing like we know it all...cause we do!! Just remember that Daddy is jealous cause he's not in the sister club!! AHHHHHHHH!!! LOL We are so flippin hilarious! I love you Peepa!

"Copper, you're my very best friend."

"And you're mine too Tod!"

"And we'll always be friends forever."

"Yeah, forever!"

SillySuperSam

"SillySuperSam has sent you a flirt." He has been making me laugh ever since I saw his screen name. It is very fitting if you know him and one of the reasons I love him. He works hard but plays even harder. It is the start of the third week in his first rotation and I miss him during the day. He has been able to scrub in on several surgeries and comes home so excited. I usually have no idea what the surgery was because he uses medical terms but I know to smile when he says, "It was so cool!" The one I do understand is the spay/neuter one. I hear that one a lot. One day Sam came home more excited than usual about a spay. I was glad he was finally home since he stayed late to help with this spay. He starts telling me about it and how it was the coolest thing he's seen. I was wondering what the heck was so exciting about something he does so often. This little doggie was different. She needed a spay and a neuter! That's right folks, my hubby operated on a hermafrodite chihuahua! That was as exciting as getting to neuter the dog of the music guy for Lord of the Rings. LOL The clinic is in LA so Sam has had a few celebrity patients.

Anyway, his next rotation is in Colorado Springs, CO. He'll be gone a whole month. :( I am going to miss him so much! I love being here each day when he comes home. I love making him pop-tarts and milk every morning. I love watching the Laker games with him. We always laugh at the same commercials. Sam will always say funny things when you can see the players talking but can't hear them. We laugh so hard. Speaking of laughing, it is time to confess something. Now this isn't going to shock any of you but Sam made me laugh so hard yesterday that I peed my pants a little. I hope Sam gets this tickling thing out of his system soon! It is the worst! Whenever I smart off or tease him he gets this look on his face. I started laughing, tears pouring down my cheeks, and beg for mercy. It's just not fair!!

I didn't have anything specific to blog about, just wanted to give an update on Sam. That he is pretty much always doing homework, eating or sleeping. He doesn't have nearly enough time in his day, but he always makes time to make me laugh.

Do I smell smoke?

Ever since I got married I have been waiting for the opportunity to make my husband brownies. Sam absolutely loves brownies. Although, his Mom and sister make excellent brownines and mine would obviously be coming from a box I was sure he'd appreciate the gesture. I got a brand new pan with square shapes so you don't even have to cut the brownies! "Brilliant," I thought as I put them in the oven. Now when my sweet Sammy is done with his homework he can have brownies and ice cream while he watches the game and I will be officially the best wife ever! I set the timer for half of the requirement so I could check on them and went about my wifely duties. He comes downstairs and asks if they are done. The timer had not gone off yet but I went to check. Smoke billowed out of the oven and I had to take them outside. :( They were beyond burnt. I wanted to scream! I have made brownies probably a zillion times in my life but of course the first time I make them for my husband I screw up. This is ridiculous! Now it will be one of those funny when we first got married stories but I am fully capable of making brownies. Later on when I brought the pan inside my pride wouldn't let me laugh as I watched Sam eat the middle out of one of the "bricks" as he put it. Stupid new fancy square thingy pan...I hate you!

My wedding day

Well it finally happened, the day every girl dreams about. My wedding day was so wonderful! Of course I will be reliving this day for the rest of my life but I wanted to blog the short version. I woke up after barely sleeping around 5am. I was supposed to be at my brother-in-law's house at eight so Gracie could do my hair. I don't know how I was late but I was. I was a little upset and on the verge of puking and/or crying. Then I noticed I forgot to put my engagement ring back on after I cleaned it. This sent me over the edge and I started bawling! All the ladies in Sam's family were trying to keep me calm. My wedding day was off to a less than perfect start so needless to say I was about to lose it at any minute. We made it to the temple, almost 30 minutes late. Everything that happened before the ceremony is a blurr. The poor old ladies thought I was going to pass out but I was just super stressed and anxious! What's with all the waiting? Let's get this show on the road!

The sealing was wonderful! My mission President, Elder Richard G Hinckley performed our sealing. He said his father said the key to a successful marriage was to be anxiously concerned about the happiness of your spouse. When someone asked his mother how she had a happy marriage she replied, "I lowered my standards." Everything he said was just perfect for Sam and I. It was so special! The family that introduced me to the church (most of them) were able to be in the sealing with me which made it even better. Ryan, who baptized me, was one of our witnesses and Sam's brother Felipe was the other. Now taking pictures afterwards, that was basically a nightmare. We love pictures and they are obviously important but trying to coordinate that many people is a big headache. Even though hundreds of pictures were taken there is not one with just Erica and I which makes me so upset. :( Once the pictures were over I was glad. Onto the party!

The ring ceremony was simple and I am so glad I decided to do that. My photographer, my brother Rusty, got lost so I had to rely on others for pictures of that. Then the reception. It was great! The caterers did a great job decorating and the food was amazing!! We ate and ate and ate! Then the cake was the best wedding cake I have ever tasted. Gracie gave a beautiful toast that made me cry. The first dance was the most romantic moment ever. Our song is Derrepente which means suddenly. Sam sent it to me when we first started dating. He said it described the way he felt about me. The dance with my dad was sooo hard. I was crying, he was crying, my mom and sister were crying, others thinking about their daughters were crying. There were tears in abundance just the way I had always pictured it. We danced to "My little girl" by Tim McGraw.

The DJ was so much fun and got the crowd involved as you can see from the pictures. The men all put on hats and danced to YMCA. My friend who was watching with me said, "I don't know what your dad is spelling but it's not YMCA." HA HA My poor dad and his short arms. The bouquet and garter toss went as expected. Some practically flew off the ground for it while others seemed ok with just letting it fall. After our limo was over ten minutes late and we walked through the farewell bubbles it was all over. We leaned back and Sam said, "Let's never do that again." To which I replied, "Deal!"

There was a few stressful times and a few embarrassing moments but those of y'all who know my family know it could have been a lot worse. I must say it was a perfect day. A perfect ending to a fairy tale courtship and a perfect beginning to my new life.

Bump and Curl

First, the phrase "bump and curl" makes me laugh. I must have heard it on a movie or something referring to an older lady was getting her hair done. Anyway, as my big day approaches I decided to get my hair trimmed and dyed so the color won't be so dull. Thanks to my girl Ali for hooking me up. Obviously it was only straight until I washed it but I loved it. Straight hair looks weird on me but it is so cool to have a change. Now, what my beloved Samuel did to his head is another story. He accidentally used the wrong settings on his trimmers and all his hair is gone. You may be thinking a BRIDEZILLA such as myself would have gone ballistic. All I could do was laugh! I knew everything would not go perfect so I guess I was waiting for something. On top of that, Erica and my future sister in law, Nancy both got highlites that they don't like and have to get them fixed. Sam sister text me tonight and said she was thinking about getting a trim but considering all the bad luck she would just come with split ends. LOL So my new rule is everyone stay away from the salons until after the wedding! Good thing Sam doesn't have a weird shaped head!

Those you left behind...

Those you left behind are still here. Some of them are so confused by what you did. One of them wakes up every night and reads the last letter you wrote him every day. He keeps it on his desk under his candy jar. I turned away when he tried to show me. One of them is angry that you gave up. She wonders where exactly you are and if you are really at peace. Some you left behind are still in shock while others aren't. The women talk about how handsome you were, the chip and dale thing comes up and we all giggle about it. One of them drives by the church everyday and wonders which side of the parking lot you were on. I wish I could drive past without thinking about it. One of them saw you in the mall and wishes she would have stop and talked to you. One of them can't let it go. One said the world was a better place when you were in it and I agreed. A few have said there were things they could have done and wonder if you'd still be here. One of them is milking it and others are mad about that. One of them mentioned your cologne and I can still smell it. One of them wishes he'd made you go on that trip with him. Most of them knew you were sad and now wonder just how sad you were. Some of them can't stop asking me about it. All of them believe you were meant for so much more and talked about your wasted talent.

One of them needed to blog about it.

So here I am trying to be done with this. I feel a little bruised. I wanted to tell your family how much you meant to me and how much you taught me but I couldn't get it out. I wanted a moment alone with you but couldn't get to you. I can't bare to think of how sad you must have been. I hope you are finally able to rest. :) I just imagined how you would smile at me. You know I just adored you. Some times I would ask you for help when I didn't need it just to have your attention. I'll always have a big grin when I think about you. Then again, maybe I won't. I'm so mad at you. I'm sad that this is my last memory of you. I hated that I had to be the one to tell everybody. I hate that they all came to me and asked me what happened. I hate that they all asked me why. I want to end this with a happy peaceful thought but that's not how you left me! I'll miss you.

"For all sad words of tongue of tongue or pen, the saddest are these 'It might have been."

-John Greenleaf Whittier

The Southern Belle and the Sexy Mexi!

In case any of you were unaware, Sam is Mexican. He's not Mexican like the way I am French. What I mean by that is that my ancestors were from France but Sam was actually born in Mexico. Does this or did this ever bother me? No. I did think about it but mostly about me not fitting in with his family. I thought about learning Spanish which made me think about the hot topic of illegal immigrants. I thought about all the things I have heard and repeated about Mexicans growing up. I have pondered all of this a great deal. For me, I look at Sam and I see my future. When I prayed about him and when I think about him, a peace comes over me that I cannot begin to describe. I don't see him as different, I just see him as mine! Ha Ha

I called my Mommy Pies the other day and she was crying. She had just gotten off the phone with her Dad. I love my Paw-Paw! I remember the smell of his pipe and the way we'd dump our left over ice cream into his bowl to finish. He was so kind and everything a Grandfather should be. I even hoped one day my children would refer to my Dad as their Paw-Paw because the term has so much meaning to me. So wait...why was my Mom crying? My Paw Paw had recieved my announcement. He was not happy. He said some ignorant things about Mexicans and told my Mom he didn't want to have anything to do with Sam and I. My Mom is never to bring us around him. He said more but that's the jist of it folks, I've been disowned. I didn't think he'd take it like this but I guess I should have known. If Sam were black I wouldn't even have sent him the announcement.

I am not, nor will I ever be someone who gives racism much thought. We are all discriminated against for different reasons and in different degrees. It is all the same in my eyes and it is all wrong. I was hated because I was white. I was treated cruely because I was overweight. I was teased because I wore glasses. It has been assumed I am stupid because I'm from the South. I had friends who's parents wouldn't let them hang out with me because my parents were divorced. My family was discriminated against when they came to this country. They were not allowed to speak Cajun and so the dialect was almost lost forever. The pioneers of my religion gave their lives for it. On the flip side, I have definitely made my share of racist remarks and laughed at all the "black jokes" I heard in school. I have treated people badly who were different from me. I can honestly admit it because we all do it. I would not believe someone who said they've never been cruel to another human being.

I can't believe this is a part of my story. My Paw-Paw is 71 and I am his fourth grandchild he has done this to. He's an old Southern man with old Southern beliefs. Like I said before, when I look at Sam I don't see him as different. I know we are different, in more ways than one! We compliment each other. His strengths are my weaknesses and vise versa. He gives what I need and needs what I give. He thinks very rationally and doesn't let his emotions blurr his judgement while I am completely ruled by mine. My emotions are all to the extreme and I am dramatic 24 hours a day! He likes most foods and I like almost nothing. He's my churro and I'm his vanilla bean! When I look at our hands or our pictures I can see we are different but "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same."-Emily Bronte

Me....Bridezilla??

Everyone asks how the wedding plans are going and I always say things are fine or great depending on my mood. The truth is that planning a wedding is not as much fun as I thought. When Sam I decided on May it felt like I had all the time in the world. I didn't start planning right away because I wanted to wait until he proposed. Even when he did I was so busy being in love that I took my sweet time getting stuff done. The first disaster was Sam's tux. I had a coupon for Clark's so I went there first. That may shock y'all but Sam is super responsible with money unlike myself so even though I normal pay no attention to coupons I guess I better start. So I called once, twice, and three times to make sure they had my color for his vest and tie. They assured me they did...they didn't. Long story short after several phone calls I ended up storming into the expensive Men's Wearhouse in raging BRIDEZILLA mode and slammed my sample on the desk. Judging by the look on the guy's face I am sure he was scared I was going to blow the place up. There was no holding back that southern attitude when I said, "THIS IS MY COLOR! IT IS PERIDOT. THIS IS NOT SAGE NOR IS IT CLOVER. DO YOU HAVE THIS COLOR?" (Caps added for dramatic effect) The sales guy began to speak but like I said I was in BRIDEZILLA mode so I cut him off and said, "BEFORE YOU ANSWER, IF YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE THIS COLOR AND THEN YOU TRY TO SELL ME CLOVER OR SAGE I WILL FREAKING SCREAM." I am sure I made the lunatic bride of the month list but I was losing it. I calmed down once he showed me the Peridot in his sample color book. Then there was the dresses for the Bridesmaids. My Matron of Honor suggested we go look for her dress and I was excited because none of them had their dress yet. When we get to David's Bridal the lady tells me that dresses can take up to twelve weeks. My wedding was exactly eight weeks away that day. So I sent out a mass text and after a minor panic attack, which lasted a week, most of my bridesmaids have a dress. Lastly, my dress. Most girls do this first but it was last on my list. I am not super picky, I just wanted something simple that didn't make me look like a cow. So I went to Alyssa's Bridal for a modest dress. I wasn't going to wear the small jacket thing that they do at David's Bridal. My pal Jess came with me and the first one I tried on I said, "This one is fine." She said I had to try on more, she said I owed it to myself. I loved the second one I tried on and decided that was the one but again she said I needed to look other places too. I did but I didn't find one I like more. It appears to pull over to the side and the back laces up. It felt a little big but the sales girl said I just needed the hem done and a shoulder lift. When I came for my alterations I showed up early and I was very excited. Thirty minutes go by and the transformation began. My heart started to pound, my blood started to boil and I felt a scream rising in my throat. I got up and I didn't know who I was going to unleash on but BRIDEZILLA had returned! The manager must have seen the smoke coming from my ears because she met me half way and told me that my dress was at the cleaners. She explained that they couldn't find my dress but wanted to make absolute certain she knew where it was. "So don't worry," she says. My BRIDEZILLA inside screamed, "I'M NOT WORRIED FOR ME, I'M WORRIED FOR YOU. IF YOU DON'T MAKE MY DRESS MAGICALLY APPEAR I AM GOING TO BEAT YOUR BONY BEHIND WITH ONE OF THOSE MANNEQUINS!" With my teeth clenched I told her, "Oh I wasn't worried. I paid for it so I know you are going to find it and have it ready next time I come back." She gave me my shoes for free to make up for it. When I came back I laced it all up and waited for the seamstress. She tells me that the dress is a size too big for me, they don't have it in a size smaller, then asks, "Are you sure you want this dress?" I thought back to that sales lady saying all I needed was a shoulder lift and then telling me all sales are final as she checks me out. I decided to not let it upset me and had her start sizing the dress down. Everything went well after that. Well, other than her poking herself and bleeding on my dress which made me have a weird outer body dream type of experience where I strangled her with my train. I have my second alterations appointment on Saturday. So if you guys hear that a bride went insane and tore the Bridal Shop up I hope I can count on y'all to help with the bail money.

Check out my Slide Show!

The proposal

Sam and I decided last month that we are getting married on May 24th, 2008 in the Mount Timpanogos temple. He has been busy with school and I have been planning the wedding. Well, most of my work has been keeping my mom from taking over. Sam and I looked at rings and I told him to pick out what he wanted. He told me the ring was going to take six weeks to get ready. I wouldn't be able to get it until I came in March. I went to California for the long weekend to visit Sam. I hoped he was lying but I was convinced that he wasn't. Friday night we exchanged Valentine presents and he got me another antique lighthouse and it was so gorgeous! Saturday we met up with his family for dinner so that was a little scary but went well I thought. They are great! Sunday was the three month anniversary of our first kiss so I asked Sam to take me to the beach and we planned to find the perfect spot and time to propose. He had asked me before how I wanted him to propose since I already knew it was coming he had given up trying to surprize me. He said I could pick the spot and everything. He showed me the bag and box and sure enough it was empty so I was bummed but still having a great time. We went to the Santa Monica Pier and it was so beautiful! We watched the sunset and wrote in the sand. There were so many couples. It was like a big "In Love" party. Ha Ha As it started getting dark we walked up to the pier and look out at the ocean. It was amazing. The evening was perfect! We didn't ride anything because it was Sunday but it was still so much fun. It was getting cold so we decided to go back to the beach and pick the spot. We got back down there and finally found a spot where the sand was flat. We hugged and Sam was looking in my eyes and he said, "I want you to know that I think we are perfect together and I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world." I had to look away cause I was tearing up. Then he said, "I'm so glad I found you and I am glad you finally started paying attention to me." Then he knelt down, and pulled the box out of his pocket. I immediately began sobbing. He opened the box and it had a light in it that made the ring sparkle. "Will you marry me?" He said I cried for awhile before I answered. I was flipping out! Later on he told me he had a speech prepared but I was crying so hard that he knew I wouldn't hear or remember what he said. He gave me what he had wrote down instead. The whole thing is sort of a blurr because I was so excited but when we got home I wrote down as much as I could remember and Sam helped with the details. So there it is folks, the propsal. I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. In a few months I will be Mrs. Samuel Rivera.