Those you left behind...

Those you left behind are still here. Some of them are so confused by what you did. One of them wakes up every night and reads the last letter you wrote him every day. He keeps it on his desk under his candy jar. I turned away when he tried to show me. One of them is angry that you gave up. She wonders where exactly you are and if you are really at peace. Some you left behind are still in shock while others aren't. The women talk about how handsome you were, the chip and dale thing comes up and we all giggle about it. One of them drives by the church everyday and wonders which side of the parking lot you were on. I wish I could drive past without thinking about it. One of them saw you in the mall and wishes she would have stop and talked to you. One of them can't let it go. One said the world was a better place when you were in it and I agreed. A few have said there were things they could have done and wonder if you'd still be here. One of them is milking it and others are mad about that. One of them mentioned your cologne and I can still smell it. One of them wishes he'd made you go on that trip with him. Most of them knew you were sad and now wonder just how sad you were. Some of them can't stop asking me about it. All of them believe you were meant for so much more and talked about your wasted talent.

One of them needed to blog about it.

So here I am trying to be done with this. I feel a little bruised. I wanted to tell your family how much you meant to me and how much you taught me but I couldn't get it out. I wanted a moment alone with you but couldn't get to you. I can't bare to think of how sad you must have been. I hope you are finally able to rest. :) I just imagined how you would smile at me. You know I just adored you. Some times I would ask you for help when I didn't need it just to have your attention. I'll always have a big grin when I think about you. Then again, maybe I won't. I'm so mad at you. I'm sad that this is my last memory of you. I hated that I had to be the one to tell everybody. I hate that they all came to me and asked me what happened. I hate that they all asked me why. I want to end this with a happy peaceful thought but that's not how you left me! I'll miss you.

"For all sad words of tongue of tongue or pen, the saddest are these 'It might have been."

-John Greenleaf Whittier