Bump and Curl

First, the phrase "bump and curl" makes me laugh. I must have heard it on a movie or something referring to an older lady was getting her hair done. Anyway, as my big day approaches I decided to get my hair trimmed and dyed so the color won't be so dull. Thanks to my girl Ali for hooking me up. Obviously it was only straight until I washed it but I loved it. Straight hair looks weird on me but it is so cool to have a change. Now, what my beloved Samuel did to his head is another story. He accidentally used the wrong settings on his trimmers and all his hair is gone. You may be thinking a BRIDEZILLA such as myself would have gone ballistic. All I could do was laugh! I knew everything would not go perfect so I guess I was waiting for something. On top of that, Erica and my future sister in law, Nancy both got highlites that they don't like and have to get them fixed. Sam sister text me tonight and said she was thinking about getting a trim but considering all the bad luck she would just come with split ends. LOL So my new rule is everyone stay away from the salons until after the wedding! Good thing Sam doesn't have a weird shaped head!

Those you left behind...

Those you left behind are still here. Some of them are so confused by what you did. One of them wakes up every night and reads the last letter you wrote him every day. He keeps it on his desk under his candy jar. I turned away when he tried to show me. One of them is angry that you gave up. She wonders where exactly you are and if you are really at peace. Some you left behind are still in shock while others aren't. The women talk about how handsome you were, the chip and dale thing comes up and we all giggle about it. One of them drives by the church everyday and wonders which side of the parking lot you were on. I wish I could drive past without thinking about it. One of them saw you in the mall and wishes she would have stop and talked to you. One of them can't let it go. One said the world was a better place when you were in it and I agreed. A few have said there were things they could have done and wonder if you'd still be here. One of them is milking it and others are mad about that. One of them mentioned your cologne and I can still smell it. One of them wishes he'd made you go on that trip with him. Most of them knew you were sad and now wonder just how sad you were. Some of them can't stop asking me about it. All of them believe you were meant for so much more and talked about your wasted talent.

One of them needed to blog about it.

So here I am trying to be done with this. I feel a little bruised. I wanted to tell your family how much you meant to me and how much you taught me but I couldn't get it out. I wanted a moment alone with you but couldn't get to you. I can't bare to think of how sad you must have been. I hope you are finally able to rest. :) I just imagined how you would smile at me. You know I just adored you. Some times I would ask you for help when I didn't need it just to have your attention. I'll always have a big grin when I think about you. Then again, maybe I won't. I'm so mad at you. I'm sad that this is my last memory of you. I hated that I had to be the one to tell everybody. I hate that they all came to me and asked me what happened. I hate that they all asked me why. I want to end this with a happy peaceful thought but that's not how you left me! I'll miss you.

"For all sad words of tongue of tongue or pen, the saddest are these 'It might have been."

-John Greenleaf Whittier

The Southern Belle and the Sexy Mexi!

In case any of you were unaware, Sam is Mexican. He's not Mexican like the way I am French. What I mean by that is that my ancestors were from France but Sam was actually born in Mexico. Does this or did this ever bother me? No. I did think about it but mostly about me not fitting in with his family. I thought about learning Spanish which made me think about the hot topic of illegal immigrants. I thought about all the things I have heard and repeated about Mexicans growing up. I have pondered all of this a great deal. For me, I look at Sam and I see my future. When I prayed about him and when I think about him, a peace comes over me that I cannot begin to describe. I don't see him as different, I just see him as mine! Ha Ha

I called my Mommy Pies the other day and she was crying. She had just gotten off the phone with her Dad. I love my Paw-Paw! I remember the smell of his pipe and the way we'd dump our left over ice cream into his bowl to finish. He was so kind and everything a Grandfather should be. I even hoped one day my children would refer to my Dad as their Paw-Paw because the term has so much meaning to me. So wait...why was my Mom crying? My Paw Paw had recieved my announcement. He was not happy. He said some ignorant things about Mexicans and told my Mom he didn't want to have anything to do with Sam and I. My Mom is never to bring us around him. He said more but that's the jist of it folks, I've been disowned. I didn't think he'd take it like this but I guess I should have known. If Sam were black I wouldn't even have sent him the announcement.

I am not, nor will I ever be someone who gives racism much thought. We are all discriminated against for different reasons and in different degrees. It is all the same in my eyes and it is all wrong. I was hated because I was white. I was treated cruely because I was overweight. I was teased because I wore glasses. It has been assumed I am stupid because I'm from the South. I had friends who's parents wouldn't let them hang out with me because my parents were divorced. My family was discriminated against when they came to this country. They were not allowed to speak Cajun and so the dialect was almost lost forever. The pioneers of my religion gave their lives for it. On the flip side, I have definitely made my share of racist remarks and laughed at all the "black jokes" I heard in school. I have treated people badly who were different from me. I can honestly admit it because we all do it. I would not believe someone who said they've never been cruel to another human being.

I can't believe this is a part of my story. My Paw-Paw is 71 and I am his fourth grandchild he has done this to. He's an old Southern man with old Southern beliefs. Like I said before, when I look at Sam I don't see him as different. I know we are different, in more ways than one! We compliment each other. His strengths are my weaknesses and vise versa. He gives what I need and needs what I give. He thinks very rationally and doesn't let his emotions blurr his judgement while I am completely ruled by mine. My emotions are all to the extreme and I am dramatic 24 hours a day! He likes most foods and I like almost nothing. He's my churro and I'm his vanilla bean! When I look at our hands or our pictures I can see we are different but "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same."-Emily Bronte

Me....Bridezilla??

Everyone asks how the wedding plans are going and I always say things are fine or great depending on my mood. The truth is that planning a wedding is not as much fun as I thought. When Sam I decided on May it felt like I had all the time in the world. I didn't start planning right away because I wanted to wait until he proposed. Even when he did I was so busy being in love that I took my sweet time getting stuff done. The first disaster was Sam's tux. I had a coupon for Clark's so I went there first. That may shock y'all but Sam is super responsible with money unlike myself so even though I normal pay no attention to coupons I guess I better start. So I called once, twice, and three times to make sure they had my color for his vest and tie. They assured me they did...they didn't. Long story short after several phone calls I ended up storming into the expensive Men's Wearhouse in raging BRIDEZILLA mode and slammed my sample on the desk. Judging by the look on the guy's face I am sure he was scared I was going to blow the place up. There was no holding back that southern attitude when I said, "THIS IS MY COLOR! IT IS PERIDOT. THIS IS NOT SAGE NOR IS IT CLOVER. DO YOU HAVE THIS COLOR?" (Caps added for dramatic effect) The sales guy began to speak but like I said I was in BRIDEZILLA mode so I cut him off and said, "BEFORE YOU ANSWER, IF YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE THIS COLOR AND THEN YOU TRY TO SELL ME CLOVER OR SAGE I WILL FREAKING SCREAM." I am sure I made the lunatic bride of the month list but I was losing it. I calmed down once he showed me the Peridot in his sample color book. Then there was the dresses for the Bridesmaids. My Matron of Honor suggested we go look for her dress and I was excited because none of them had their dress yet. When we get to David's Bridal the lady tells me that dresses can take up to twelve weeks. My wedding was exactly eight weeks away that day. So I sent out a mass text and after a minor panic attack, which lasted a week, most of my bridesmaids have a dress. Lastly, my dress. Most girls do this first but it was last on my list. I am not super picky, I just wanted something simple that didn't make me look like a cow. So I went to Alyssa's Bridal for a modest dress. I wasn't going to wear the small jacket thing that they do at David's Bridal. My pal Jess came with me and the first one I tried on I said, "This one is fine." She said I had to try on more, she said I owed it to myself. I loved the second one I tried on and decided that was the one but again she said I needed to look other places too. I did but I didn't find one I like more. It appears to pull over to the side and the back laces up. It felt a little big but the sales girl said I just needed the hem done and a shoulder lift. When I came for my alterations I showed up early and I was very excited. Thirty minutes go by and the transformation began. My heart started to pound, my blood started to boil and I felt a scream rising in my throat. I got up and I didn't know who I was going to unleash on but BRIDEZILLA had returned! The manager must have seen the smoke coming from my ears because she met me half way and told me that my dress was at the cleaners. She explained that they couldn't find my dress but wanted to make absolute certain she knew where it was. "So don't worry," she says. My BRIDEZILLA inside screamed, "I'M NOT WORRIED FOR ME, I'M WORRIED FOR YOU. IF YOU DON'T MAKE MY DRESS MAGICALLY APPEAR I AM GOING TO BEAT YOUR BONY BEHIND WITH ONE OF THOSE MANNEQUINS!" With my teeth clenched I told her, "Oh I wasn't worried. I paid for it so I know you are going to find it and have it ready next time I come back." She gave me my shoes for free to make up for it. When I came back I laced it all up and waited for the seamstress. She tells me that the dress is a size too big for me, they don't have it in a size smaller, then asks, "Are you sure you want this dress?" I thought back to that sales lady saying all I needed was a shoulder lift and then telling me all sales are final as she checks me out. I decided to not let it upset me and had her start sizing the dress down. Everything went well after that. Well, other than her poking herself and bleeding on my dress which made me have a weird outer body dream type of experience where I strangled her with my train. I have my second alterations appointment on Saturday. So if you guys hear that a bride went insane and tore the Bridal Shop up I hope I can count on y'all to help with the bail money.