The Southern Belle and the Sexy Mexi!

In case any of you were unaware, Sam is Mexican. He's not Mexican like the way I am French. What I mean by that is that my ancestors were from France but Sam was actually born in Mexico. Does this or did this ever bother me? No. I did think about it but mostly about me not fitting in with his family. I thought about learning Spanish which made me think about the hot topic of illegal immigrants. I thought about all the things I have heard and repeated about Mexicans growing up. I have pondered all of this a great deal. For me, I look at Sam and I see my future. When I prayed about him and when I think about him, a peace comes over me that I cannot begin to describe. I don't see him as different, I just see him as mine! Ha Ha

I called my Mommy Pies the other day and she was crying. She had just gotten off the phone with her Dad. I love my Paw-Paw! I remember the smell of his pipe and the way we'd dump our left over ice cream into his bowl to finish. He was so kind and everything a Grandfather should be. I even hoped one day my children would refer to my Dad as their Paw-Paw because the term has so much meaning to me. So wait...why was my Mom crying? My Paw Paw had recieved my announcement. He was not happy. He said some ignorant things about Mexicans and told my Mom he didn't want to have anything to do with Sam and I. My Mom is never to bring us around him. He said more but that's the jist of it folks, I've been disowned. I didn't think he'd take it like this but I guess I should have known. If Sam were black I wouldn't even have sent him the announcement.

I am not, nor will I ever be someone who gives racism much thought. We are all discriminated against for different reasons and in different degrees. It is all the same in my eyes and it is all wrong. I was hated because I was white. I was treated cruely because I was overweight. I was teased because I wore glasses. It has been assumed I am stupid because I'm from the South. I had friends who's parents wouldn't let them hang out with me because my parents were divorced. My family was discriminated against when they came to this country. They were not allowed to speak Cajun and so the dialect was almost lost forever. The pioneers of my religion gave their lives for it. On the flip side, I have definitely made my share of racist remarks and laughed at all the "black jokes" I heard in school. I have treated people badly who were different from me. I can honestly admit it because we all do it. I would not believe someone who said they've never been cruel to another human being.

I can't believe this is a part of my story. My Paw-Paw is 71 and I am his fourth grandchild he has done this to. He's an old Southern man with old Southern beliefs. Like I said before, when I look at Sam I don't see him as different. I know we are different, in more ways than one! We compliment each other. His strengths are my weaknesses and vise versa. He gives what I need and needs what I give. He thinks very rationally and doesn't let his emotions blurr his judgement while I am completely ruled by mine. My emotions are all to the extreme and I am dramatic 24 hours a day! He likes most foods and I like almost nothing. He's my churro and I'm his vanilla bean! When I look at our hands or our pictures I can see we are different but "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same."-Emily Bronte

Me....Bridezilla??

Everyone asks how the wedding plans are going and I always say things are fine or great depending on my mood. The truth is that planning a wedding is not as much fun as I thought. When Sam I decided on May it felt like I had all the time in the world. I didn't start planning right away because I wanted to wait until he proposed. Even when he did I was so busy being in love that I took my sweet time getting stuff done. The first disaster was Sam's tux. I had a coupon for Clark's so I went there first. That may shock y'all but Sam is super responsible with money unlike myself so even though I normal pay no attention to coupons I guess I better start. So I called once, twice, and three times to make sure they had my color for his vest and tie. They assured me they did...they didn't. Long story short after several phone calls I ended up storming into the expensive Men's Wearhouse in raging BRIDEZILLA mode and slammed my sample on the desk. Judging by the look on the guy's face I am sure he was scared I was going to blow the place up. There was no holding back that southern attitude when I said, "THIS IS MY COLOR! IT IS PERIDOT. THIS IS NOT SAGE NOR IS IT CLOVER. DO YOU HAVE THIS COLOR?" (Caps added for dramatic effect) The sales guy began to speak but like I said I was in BRIDEZILLA mode so I cut him off and said, "BEFORE YOU ANSWER, IF YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE THIS COLOR AND THEN YOU TRY TO SELL ME CLOVER OR SAGE I WILL FREAKING SCREAM." I am sure I made the lunatic bride of the month list but I was losing it. I calmed down once he showed me the Peridot in his sample color book. Then there was the dresses for the Bridesmaids. My Matron of Honor suggested we go look for her dress and I was excited because none of them had their dress yet. When we get to David's Bridal the lady tells me that dresses can take up to twelve weeks. My wedding was exactly eight weeks away that day. So I sent out a mass text and after a minor panic attack, which lasted a week, most of my bridesmaids have a dress. Lastly, my dress. Most girls do this first but it was last on my list. I am not super picky, I just wanted something simple that didn't make me look like a cow. So I went to Alyssa's Bridal for a modest dress. I wasn't going to wear the small jacket thing that they do at David's Bridal. My pal Jess came with me and the first one I tried on I said, "This one is fine." She said I had to try on more, she said I owed it to myself. I loved the second one I tried on and decided that was the one but again she said I needed to look other places too. I did but I didn't find one I like more. It appears to pull over to the side and the back laces up. It felt a little big but the sales girl said I just needed the hem done and a shoulder lift. When I came for my alterations I showed up early and I was very excited. Thirty minutes go by and the transformation began. My heart started to pound, my blood started to boil and I felt a scream rising in my throat. I got up and I didn't know who I was going to unleash on but BRIDEZILLA had returned! The manager must have seen the smoke coming from my ears because she met me half way and told me that my dress was at the cleaners. She explained that they couldn't find my dress but wanted to make absolute certain she knew where it was. "So don't worry," she says. My BRIDEZILLA inside screamed, "I'M NOT WORRIED FOR ME, I'M WORRIED FOR YOU. IF YOU DON'T MAKE MY DRESS MAGICALLY APPEAR I AM GOING TO BEAT YOUR BONY BEHIND WITH ONE OF THOSE MANNEQUINS!" With my teeth clenched I told her, "Oh I wasn't worried. I paid for it so I know you are going to find it and have it ready next time I come back." She gave me my shoes for free to make up for it. When I came back I laced it all up and waited for the seamstress. She tells me that the dress is a size too big for me, they don't have it in a size smaller, then asks, "Are you sure you want this dress?" I thought back to that sales lady saying all I needed was a shoulder lift and then telling me all sales are final as she checks me out. I decided to not let it upset me and had her start sizing the dress down. Everything went well after that. Well, other than her poking herself and bleeding on my dress which made me have a weird outer body dream type of experience where I strangled her with my train. I have my second alterations appointment on Saturday. So if you guys hear that a bride went insane and tore the Bridal Shop up I hope I can count on y'all to help with the bail money.

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The proposal

Sam and I decided last month that we are getting married on May 24th, 2008 in the Mount Timpanogos temple. He has been busy with school and I have been planning the wedding. Well, most of my work has been keeping my mom from taking over. Sam and I looked at rings and I told him to pick out what he wanted. He told me the ring was going to take six weeks to get ready. I wouldn't be able to get it until I came in March. I went to California for the long weekend to visit Sam. I hoped he was lying but I was convinced that he wasn't. Friday night we exchanged Valentine presents and he got me another antique lighthouse and it was so gorgeous! Saturday we met up with his family for dinner so that was a little scary but went well I thought. They are great! Sunday was the three month anniversary of our first kiss so I asked Sam to take me to the beach and we planned to find the perfect spot and time to propose. He had asked me before how I wanted him to propose since I already knew it was coming he had given up trying to surprize me. He said I could pick the spot and everything. He showed me the bag and box and sure enough it was empty so I was bummed but still having a great time. We went to the Santa Monica Pier and it was so beautiful! We watched the sunset and wrote in the sand. There were so many couples. It was like a big "In Love" party. Ha Ha As it started getting dark we walked up to the pier and look out at the ocean. It was amazing. The evening was perfect! We didn't ride anything because it was Sunday but it was still so much fun. It was getting cold so we decided to go back to the beach and pick the spot. We got back down there and finally found a spot where the sand was flat. We hugged and Sam was looking in my eyes and he said, "I want you to know that I think we are perfect together and I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world." I had to look away cause I was tearing up. Then he said, "I'm so glad I found you and I am glad you finally started paying attention to me." Then he knelt down, and pulled the box out of his pocket. I immediately began sobbing. He opened the box and it had a light in it that made the ring sparkle. "Will you marry me?" He said I cried for awhile before I answered. I was flipping out! Later on he told me he had a speech prepared but I was crying so hard that he knew I wouldn't hear or remember what he said. He gave me what he had wrote down instead. The whole thing is sort of a blurr because I was so excited but when we got home I wrote down as much as I could remember and Sam helped with the details. So there it is folks, the propsal. I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. In a few months I will be Mrs. Samuel Rivera.