Jeanie Versus Exercise

The last time I got super pumped about exercising I waged a battle with the beast my husband calls "Bowflex." Here's a link to the blog if you'd like to remember when I bravely fought but ultimately lost that battle.

Evil, thy name is Bowflex!

Yesterday I decided I was tired of sitting around waiting for the right time to start exercising. I put the leash on Flojo and turned up my "Get Psyched" mix and was out the door. Sam was home with Sammy so I went to check out the two parks near our complex. Both had walking trails and one had a two lane bike path. Awesome! I was stoked!

Woke up this morning and was still determined to do this so I fed and changed Sammy. I got dressed. Put Sammy in the stroller and Flojo on the leash and headed out. The sun was out but it wasn't hot and the "Get Psyched" mix was helping me walk at a fast pace. I thought to myself that I should text Sam and let him know which park I was going to...to be safe. Then I scolded myself for reading too many abduction stories and making myself paranoid. I text Sam and a friend who is being my diet buddy just to say I was starting my walk. I walked to the park that was next to the Elementary school cause for some reason I thought it might be safer. Maybe I would see other Moms there. Once I got there I located the walking path and pulled one earphone out since I noticed Sammy was no longer asleep. I am walking along and I see a few picnic tables on the left of the trail. There was a man with a bookbag and notebook sitting there. Once I got closer he said, "Hey puppy." I looked at him and said, "Hello." I kept walking when I heard him shout, "HEY!" He said something else but it didn't completely register. I stopped and leaned towards him and pulled out my other earphone. Looking me straight in the eyes he said, "You might die today." I asked, "What?" Again he said but louder, "You might die today!"

I looked ahead to the path...it was sort of woodsy. I voice in my head said, "Turn around immediately and go home." I turned around and walked as fast as I could away from the man. As soon as I was back in the main park area I called Sam at work. I was bawling. It really freaked me out! Now that I am at home and have calmed down I feel better but everytime someone walks past the window I get a little scared. I called the police and they got a description so they could go and check out the park. The dispatcher sounded so serious and wanted to send an officer to meet me but I was already almost home. She said, "If you see him again anywhere or you ever feel uneasy call 911 right away."

That is what I get for trying to exercise. Geez! It may be safer to just stay fat! The plan now is to go get some pepperspray and buy a bike. I really wish I knew self defense or how to fight so if someone tried something I could beat the crap out of him! I am a long way from a healthy weight but if I ever get there I am going to take a kickboxing class or something. LOL

Two months

Sammy is two months old now. I have a bag of clothes that don't fit him anymore. He is almost too big for the bassinet that he once looked so small in. He is starting to have such a personality! In the morning when I peek into his bassinet he smiles and says, "Oooh Aah Ooh." Which I assume means, "Good morning Mommy." lol He "talks" so much and is starting to play with things. When I say play I mean smack the things that hang over his play mat.

His doctor appointment was today. He weighs 11.2 oz which is the 50% and is he is 22.5 in long which is also 50%. I had lots of questions for the doctor like how to get him to stop sucking his fingers. The doctor said try different pacifiers but I have four different kinds and his still prefers his fingers. He had to get three vaccines today. One by mouth that I am sure tasted nasty. Then two shots in his leg. He screamed so loud and all the way until we got to the car. He slept for awhile but every time he wakes up he starts screaming again. He stops crying as soon as I hold him close. Poor thing, he is so upset.



Life is good. I love him more and more every day! I am with him all day every day but I still start to miss him when someone else is holding him. Sunday, Sam decided to take him to priesthood and I couldn't stand it. I was about to go steal him when I got a text from Sam saying to come get him because he has a poopy diaper. Normally, I get a little annoy with Sam always passing the dirty work over to me but not this time. I was so happy to come and take him back. :) I am still trying to figure things out but I feel closer to Sammy. It just keeps getting better.

Anguish

I was all prepared to write a cheery blog about Sammy being two months and tell everyone how his doctor appointment went. It got cancelled unexpectedly so expect it sometime next week. But there is something I would like to write about...

Yesterday, a friend of mine lost her mother to suicide. I have known her family since I was 8 years old. Both of my friend's parents worked with my Mom at Cumberland Chrysler Plymouth. I met Amanda at the company Christmas parties. I was also best friends with Amanda's cousin April. Both April's parents and Amanda's parents helped raise me. When three of us got into trouble I got punished...not by my Dad but I was punished becaused they were grounded and they were my best friends. Cathy, Amanda's Mom, also coached the softball team that were rivals with the team Erica played for so Amanda and I would switch sides and root for our sisters. Countless sleep overs and road trips. We were even roommates for one semester at UNCP. It has been five or six years since I have seen her or April. They were such a big part of my life that I still think of them all the time.

Cathy was a strong woman and a classic Southern lady...meaning you would not wanna mess with her! I am not ashamed to admit that I was scared of her! Ha! She was awesome! She was a hardcore Redskins fan! Unfortunately, she was also a Duke fan. When I came to see Angela's (Amanda's Sister) baby she made me cover up my UNC shirt to take a picture. Around 1999 she was diagnosed with MS and it was hard to see such a strong lady with this disease.

Now she is gone. I called my parents because they considered her a friend. I called some of Amanda's friends to let them know so they could pray for her. I asked some people to go to the funeral.

I cried. Mostly, I cried for Amanda and her sisters. I cried for April and her mom, Peggy, who was Cathy's sister. It is frustrating to be so far away from home when things like this happen. I want to be there with them. I want to hug them and let them cry. I want to cry with them. I can't imagine a woman as strong as Cathy believing she had no other option. That thought makes me sad. I even felt a little angry. If I am being honest...more than a little angry. That may seem terrible but it's one of the emotions I am feeling. I thought about a friend that had killed himself just a few days after he let me know he was excited to come to my wedding. It had broken my heart. I couldn't believe he could do that and wondered if he had thought about the people he left behind. I thought the same thing about Cathy. Didn't she realize how crushed Amanda would be? All of her daughters, her husband, her grandchildren, her sisters, her nieces, and her nephew. This is a family that is together practically every weekend and never spends a single holiday apart. How could she do that to them? I know she loved them so she must have been going through something that she didn't believe she could bare any longer. To know that she may have felt that way is just so...I can't even describe how that feels. There aren't even words for this! She left a note so at least they know why even though it can't possibly make it hurt any less.

I just read over this blog. It is kind of all over the place. I just wanted to write all my feelings down. I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe this is real. I love them so much. Those of you from NC know Amanda and April. Please pray for them. I can't imagine how hard this must be for them.

And to Cathy, I hope you find peace. I hope you know how much your family loved you. I hope you know that you were loved and admired by others. I am sorry I was always getting Amanda into trouble. Thank you for letting her continue to be my friend. I love you and I am sorry for how you must have been feeling. Love, Jean

One Month

This month has been one exhausting blurr. I didn't think it would be this difficult. I was always told you sleep when the baby does and newborns sleep for most of the day so I had no idea I would still be so tired. I really can't sleep everytime he does. I can only sleep until around 11am but he doesn't sleep much past 5am. In the afternoon is when he starts to settle down but by that time I cannot go back to sleep. Everything is piling up on me! Bills, laundry, and housework. It is driving me crazy. Even with all the "help" I have I cannot stay on top of things. I have found with few exceptions that when people say they want to help what they mean is they want to take your baby and do the only thing you want to do. They want to feed him, and change him, and hold him and they want you to go away. Taking care of him is the only thing I want to do so it has been a little frustrating.

Sammy has officially met all his grandparents and all of his cousins. He has met all of his aunts and all of his uncles except Nano who is on a mission. Sam's brother who lives in Utah and his family were here for Thanksgiving. My Dad and Kathy came for the first week of December. Kathy actually made all the meals and did the dishes. That was really nice. It was so good to see my Dad and it warmed my heart to see him with Sammy. Then I had Erica here for almost two weeks! She did whatever I asked. If I wanted her to feed him, she did. If I wanted her to just make the bottle so I could feed him, she did. Sammy would always just stare at her and smile. It was so tender. Then my Mom, Ray, Natascha, and Rusty came for Christmas. That was a bit stressful because my Mom would get offended or be sarcastic when I would give her instructions for Sammy. Erica left this morning and Sam has his two days off. After that I will be on my own. I have no idea how I am going to get my wife stuff done when I am so tired.



On Christmas day Sammy was one month old. Our pediatrician, whom we love, said, "At about six weeks they turn into humans and you figure you might as well keep em." He is so funny and is such a great doctor! He is retirement age and only practices because he wants to. Like I said, we love him! He talks medical talk since he knows Sam understands so I always feel like I really know what is going on. He was really supportive when I was trying to breastfeed and understanding when everything I tried to increase my milk supply didn't work. We have called twice with concerns and he has seen us within half an hour of our call. His office is two blocks from our appartment so that is great! His one month check up went well. Sammy lost 11oz within the first week because of not getting enough to eat. The doctor put him on formula for premature babies and infants of low birth weight because it has extra calories. He now weighs 8lbs 4oz. He has chubby cheeks and his legs aren't so bony. This is a picture of him getting his Hep B shot. I wasn't holding him because the nurse told me to lay him down. When she gave him the shot his eyes got big and his arms and legs all went flailing! It scared him so bad the poor little guy.



He is starting to focus and follow things with his eyes. When I talk and smile he is starting to smile back. He sometimes laughs while he is a sleep and it is the cutest thing. I haven't learned all of his cues but sometimes I guess right the first time and that feels good. I think I have his "I'm starving cry" down pat. That cry and the needing to be changed cry are so similar. I love his other cry. The cry I hear most is for his physical needs, hungry, wet, or tired. I love the cry when he just wants to be held. It let's me know there is really a soul or a person there not just a pooping, eating, energy sucking machine. :)